Most, if not all of the arguments you have with other people stem from one or both of you trying to get the following needs met:
- You want to be understood and validated.
- You want to be right.
- You want to get your way.
- It’s a simple as that.
There are four quick and simple steps that prevent arguments from continuing to go around in circles or escalate to mean and hurtful fights.
- Seek understanding of the other person’s position first.
- Validate the other person’s feelings and thoughts first.
- Find out why it is important to other person that you believe them.
- Find out why it is important to the other person that they get what they want.
As hard as this may be to do when you feel passionate about your own needs, perspectives and feelings, do your best to put your needs on hold and focus on the other persons’ needs first. Doing so creates the space for your feelings, thoughts and needs to be heard next. Once both of you feel heard, understood and validated, it becomes much easier to find a solution that works for both of you.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
P.S. If you or someone you or someone you know is experiencing too much conflict with others, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.
About me: www.julieorlov.com/about
About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love
About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz