long-term relationships – Page 2

What You Need to Know About Acceptance

I wrote an article about acceptance some years back but thought the topic is so important that I'd write an updated version of the same. A lot of people are now talking about "unconditional love" and the act of acceptance. I've been writing about this for years. And yes, part of the process of creating transformational relationships is to come to a place of acceptance--acceptance of both yourself and your mate. It is part of phase three in The Pathway to Love and is the gateway towards an incredibly intimate, passionate, and fulfilling relationship.

However, there are important things to know about what acceptance truly means and what it does not. There are other things to know about how one goes about getting there. So in the interest of setting things straight, here's what you need to know.

I highly suggest you click Read in Browser to access the full article. This information is too important to miss!

5 Signs Your Marriage is At Risk

You and your spouse just had another fight about money. You have argued about money for years, never agreeing on spending and saving habits. This time, the fight turned uglier than usual. There was a lot of name calling and threats of divorce. You both have had it. You just don't believe you will ever see eye to eye and are burned out. At this point, you aren't sure you want to stay married. And although you have had these kinds of arguments many times over the past 12 years, this time you believe the marriage is at risk. But is it??

Arguing is normal. Conflict is inevitable. Ups and downs are part of a long-term marriage. So when does an ebb run the risk of becoming the beginning of the end or the end itself? Here are five signs that indicate your marriage is at risk. Click Read in Browser to access the full article now!

You Never Know What’s Around the Corner

Think your life is settled and secure? Think your life will never be anything but a struggle? Well, think again. Because the one thing you can count on is the unexpected. One day a loved one will suddenly die. Your spouse may come home and ask for a divorce. Your job that you thought was secure will be lost. Your cat will get hit by a car. You will fall and break your leg.

Hold on. I know. You think I'm quite the cynic. Really, I'm not. I'm just a realist. So before you think I only see the world in terms of impending doom, here are my other thoughts.

One day while meeting a friend for dinner you will meet the love of your life. One day you discover that your spouse has been secretly saving and planning for that dream vacation and surprises you with airline tickets. Your mother sends you a check just when you ran out of money for the month and have no groceries. Your boss tells you that you've been selected for the big promotion. You find out that you are cancer free. Your daughter tells you that you are about to become a grandparent. You hold your grandchild in your arms for the first time. You laugh when your best friend shares their latest dating disaster with a sense of humor and resolve.

That's right. Life as you know it will not be the same in the very near future. The biggest mistake people make is in trying to control that inevitability and resist life's constant movement. The most resilient people understand that they need to flex, adapt and roll with the punches. That just because a new chapter has emerged does not mean it won't be as or more meaningful than the last. The happiest people thrive with change. And the most successful people never expect that life should be anything different than a constant flow of events—some of which will be perceived as good, some of which will be perceived as bad. In reality, they are neither.

Your perception is dependent upon the view from where you stand in any one moment. An event may seem great from a specific moment in time and may seem not so great from another. So don't get attached to any one idea you may have about your life. Why?

Because you never know what's around the corner.

Enjoy the ride!

If you or someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of their life, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. Don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

The Parable of The Boiled Frog

I want to tell you a story about frogs. I know this doesn't sound like it pertains to relationships but I promise you, if you hang in there long enough, you'll get the analogy.

Here's how the story goes.

If you place a living frog in a pot of boiled water, the frog will jump out of the pot and save himself. He knows that danger lurks and his life depends on getting the heck out of there. However, if you place a frog in a pot with tepid water and slowly raise the temperature until it hits the boiling point, the frog will remain in the pot and die.

Because the temperature rises at such a slow rate, the frog doesn't notice that anything is wrong until it is too late. When the crisis hits, he is unable to escape from the boiling water. His inability to discern danger when it accumulates slowly over time is the cause his demise. His ability to adapt, tolerate and accommodate to his slowly changing and seemingly benign environment may serve the frog in the short run—but in the end, does him in.

Now, turn your attention to your most significant relationship. What dynamics are continuing to build—dynamics that if go unnoticed and unaddressed will be the cause of your relationship's demise? What is your version of the parable of the boiled frog?

Most relationships have at least one dynamic that will chip away at its foundation slowly over time if left unnoticed. For some, it is the addiction of one person and the collusion to that addiction from the other. For others, it's one person’s inability to deal with their fears and anxieties and the other person's persistence in taking care of those feelings for them, often at the expense of their own needs and feelings. And for others, it's one person's resistance to growing up, taking risks and being responsible and the other person's controlling behaviors that enable their mate to stay stuck and small. Whichever dynamic speaks to you, at the end of the day, you, your mate, and your relationship are at risk. Overtime, the temperature rises and health becomes impossible. Without a healthy environment, living beings begin to wither. Relationships, spirit, love, and emotional health are at stake.

While the dynamics may differ slightly from relationship to relationship, the results are the same. When two people accommodate each other's desire to avoid, deny, and sustain unhealthy ways of being, they keep each other safe and small. What they don't realize is that they are just like the frogs living in tepid water, water that is slowly rising in temperature until that one fateful day when they will unknowingly perish within the boiling waters.

So how can YOU avoid this from happening in your own relationship? Here are a few things you can do to wake up and feel the temperature. Click Read in Browser to find out now!

Those who live in glass houses….

Wouldn't it be great if we could magically eliminate all those annoying and less than attractive qualities we find in the people we love.? You know what I mean—what they do is not so bad that you would end the relationship but it's bad enough to cause concern and doubt. I'm sure you have glanced over at someone significant in your life and thought "Ugh—I wish he or she was more like this or less like that or did these things more or those things less." Fill in the blank and find what fits for you.

We all judge. We can't help but judge others—it’s in our DNA. Some of us try to pretend we don't judge; others have no problem publicly annihilating others. We judge for several reasons. First, it makes us feel righteous and superior. Find someone who judges others incessantly, you will find someone with many hidden insecurities and self-doubts. Second, others' perceived weaknesses or faults highlight our own unmet needs. And most of us don't like to feel empty and unfulfilled. Third, no one likes disappointment and everyone has expectations. When others show up less than who we want or need them to be, we are left with the job of dealing with our own feelings and issues. And finally, there's nothing more satisfying to the ego than to project our own weaknesses onto others. No one likes to admit their own imperfections and it is much easier to either project them onto someone else or distract yourself from being responsible for your own.

So this week, I want to send a little reminder to everyone, myself included.

Whatever you are judging in someone else, you have your own version within you. To illustrate my point, I'll share an example of my own. (To read my story, click Read in Browser. I know you will be able to relate!

5 Words That Will Ruin Your Marriage

Here's another article I published on YourTango a couple of months ago. It received thousands and thousands of hits and was syndicated on many other well-known sites. This article addresses what specific words to avoid during arguments and discussions as well as what specifically you can say and ask instead. This one is another must read!

Words are powerful. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and stop you. Learning the language of marriage takes time and due diligence. Here are 5 words that are destined to cause damage to your marriage. Say them regularly and the damage may be irreparable.

To read full article, Click Read in Browser

Relationship Help! My Wife is Always Angry with Me!

Watch as Julie Orlov explains what is happening in your marriage when a spouse is always angry and you feel like you can never do anything right. Learn what to do to save your marriage and create a more healthy and loving way of dealing with marital and relationship issues.

Everyone knows what it’s like to be in a no-win situation. You feel like whatever you do it will never be enough to please the person you love (or anyone for that matter). You feel like you live in the “dog house” and don’t know why. You only know that it’s getting cold and lonely out there and you’d like to come back in.

All kidding aside, feeling like you are constantly on the receiving end of someone’s wrath gets old. It starts to wear down the trust and love within a relationship. On the other hand, if you or your significant other are experiencing constant frustration, then there is something to look at and understand. People can be angry and frustrated over a long period of time for a variety of reasons.

Click here to view my Q&A video that addresses the reasons why this dynamic occurs in relationships and what to do about it.

For those of you that prefer to read, click "Read in Browser" to read the full article.

Love and Relationship Q&A – Julie Orlov – “Why do we argue about the same issue over and over again?”

Relationship Help! Watch and listen as Julie Orlov answers your questions on Love and Relationships. Today’s question is “Why do we argue about the same issue over and over again?” It is very common for couples to revisit issues. Unresolved issues lead to frustration, disconnect, and resignation. Find out why this is happening and what you can do to resolve your issues once and for all! Watch at http://youtu.be/YBb5N2nXTtU

5 Early Warning Signs for a Relationship in Trouble

I’ve seen it a thousand times. A couple comes to me in crisis. They have been struggling with issues for some time and believe their relationship is at its breaking point. They are in pain. They are full of anger, resentment, resignation, and anxiety. They are locked in a no win power struggle and can’t find their way back to each other. They come to me feeling desperate. They look to me as their last chance of saving the relationship. And sometimes, it’s simply too late. I share this seemingly dramatic depiction of a couple in crisis because I don’t want YOU to be that couple... Here are 5 signals that indicate your relationship is in trouble...

Get Your Sexy Back

While sexual intimacy only takes up about 10 percent of a relationship in terms of time and energy, the payoff for a good sex life is tenfold, both for yourself and your relationship. But for many, the quality of their sex life is the first thing that starts to wan once they have settled in for a long haul. Maybe this is because the novelty has worn off; maybe this is because you’ve run out of new positions and ideas; maybe this is because it gets easy to take for granted that your mate will be there tomorrow if you have more energy or desire then. Regardless, it takes a personal and relational commitment to keep your sex life alive and healthy. So if you’ve been feeling a lack of luster in your sex life, here are some things to consider.

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