Julie Orlov – Page 6

Sexy Talk… It’s Not What You Think

Sex is an important part of intimate relationships. It’s also one of the most challenging areas to navigate when it comes to negotiating different needs and wants. It is common for one person to want sex more often or in different ways than their partner. People see sex differently. Sex may be very important and meet a variety of needs or sex may be less important and meet very few personal needs. How these differences play out between two people in a committed long-term relationship will affect every other aspect of their relationship. Approaching this sensitive subject can be difficult. And when a couple gets stuck or gives up on creating a satisfying sex life, frustration and disconnect ensues. So how does a couple approach sexual issues in their relationship? While it may sound cliché, the remedy begins with talk and ends with touch. Here are my 10 basic rules for addressing sexual issues.

6 Steps to Settling Angry Outbursts

Debbie came to me complaining that her husband would lash out in anger without warning and she felt like she was no longer able to cope. She told me that she finds herself walking on egg shells, hoping that her next move will not trigger another meltdown. And while these outbursts did not happen every day or even every week, when they did, they caught her off guard and left her feeling devastated. She told me that her husband was a good man and would eventually apologize for his words—an apology that at this point holds little regard. Debbie doesn’t know what to do. She feels her marriage is fairly good with the exception of her husband’s issue with anger and looked to me for help.

5 Early Warning Signs for a Relationship in Trouble

I’ve seen it a thousand times. A couple comes to me in crisis. They have been struggling with issues for some time and believe their relationship is at its breaking point. They are in pain. They are full of anger, resentment, resignation, and anxiety. They are locked in a no win power struggle and can’t find their way back to each other. They come to me feeling desperate. They look to me as their last chance of saving the relationship. And sometimes, it’s simply too late. I share this seemingly dramatic depiction of a couple in crisis because I don’t want YOU to be that couple... Here are 5 signals that indicate your relationship is in trouble...

How Does Fear Show Up in Your Relationships?

Fear can wreak havoc in your relationships. Most of us don’t identify our relationship difficulties as fear based. Instead, we assign blame for our relationship woes on such things as incompatibility, miscommunication, thoughtlessness, disrespect, controlling behaviors, cheating, insecurities, or simply bad timing. And while these issues are very real and need to be addressed, I believe that at the core of most relationship challenges is fear... Here are some things you can do to prevent your fear from wreaking havoc in your relationships...

6 Strategies to Alleviate the Effects of Money Problems on Your Relationship

Let’s face it—most people are feeling the effects of the economy. It might be as simple as your dollars don’t stretch as far as they did before or as severe as you or your spouse has been out of work for over a year. You might be arguing with your spouse over small purchases, or impulsively making big, unnecessary purchases to help alleviate your stress. You might be struggling with downsizing your lifestyle or feel embarrassed to let others know how much you’re financially stressed. There are real problems and challenges out there and if your marriage or relationship is affected by money or the lack thereof, then this article is for you. Here are 6 coping strategies to help alleviate the strain on your relationship.

Help, my spouse is an alcoholic!

A woman I’ll call Louise, wrote in with the following question: “Dear Julie, my husband is a high-functioning alcoholic and while he provides for us, I’ve lost faith that he’s going to quit. I don’t want to spend my life married to a drunk. When is it ok to leave?” If I were sitting down with Louise, this is what I would say to her. For those that want the shortened version, enjoy the video below.

Why Relationships Fail…

There are many reasons why relationships fail. Some people will tell you their relationship failed due to infidelity, addiction, lack of attention, abusive behaviors, or severe money problems. And while these are all legitimate reasons for a relationship to fail, I propose that these reasons are just symptoms of the real reason why relationships fail. From my perspective, failed relationships have one thing in common. Relationships fail due to a difference in the desire and ability to create true intimacy. I believe that this is at the foundation of most, if not all, breakups.

A Word Can Paint a Thousand Pictures

I was innocently making a request to my significant other last week and used a word that set off quite a reaction in him. It reminded me that we are always walking in a land mine without knowing it. We go about our day communicating without much thought. We tell people what to do, what we need, and how we feel. We ask questions, make requests, and set limits. And we do this with words. For most of us, our word selection is based on our ongoing developing vocabulary, words and phrases we’ve grown up with, or words and phrases we’ve picked up from the people in our lives. We rarely think much about the words we choose. We typically use words that we’re familiar with and that will take care of our communication needs with efficiency and ease. Quite frankly, our daily use of words is relatively limited when compared with the number of words available to us in the English language.

Get Your Ego Out of the Way and Win

Our egos are very stubborn and they like to win. The ego wants to be right, wants to be special; the ego wants things the easy way, its way, or to finally find thee way. And while it is necessary to develop a strong ego in the first half of life, it is just as important to give up the ego in the second. Nature certainly has a sense of humor. It demands we get it, only to demand we lose it. So what does it mean to give up your ego? Does this mean that you no longer fight for what you think is right? Does it mean you no longer speak up and fight to get your needs met? Does it mean you have to give up and settle? No, but here is what you need to know about your ego.

Get Your Sexy Back

While sexual intimacy only takes up about 10 percent of a relationship in terms of time and energy, the payoff for a good sex life is tenfold, both for yourself and your relationship. But for many, the quality of their sex life is the first thing that starts to wan once they have settled in for a long haul. Maybe this is because the novelty has worn off; maybe this is because you’ve run out of new positions and ideas; maybe this is because it gets easy to take for granted that your mate will be there tomorrow if you have more energy or desire then. Regardless, it takes a personal and relational commitment to keep your sex life alive and healthy. So if you’ve been feeling a lack of luster in your sex life, here are some things to consider.

About Julie Orlov