Every now and then, I come across a quote that warrants a place in my blog. A friend of mine sent me this quote the other week. I loved it so much I want to pass it on to you as my quote of the year. 

 

    "When you start to really know someone, all of their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not with your heart. And that's why, when you really connect with a person's inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, becoming irrelevant."  - Lisa Unger 

 

This is a beautifully written passage and one that speaks so many truths on so many levels. I am still amazed at just how much emphasis we place on exterior beauty--or at least the latest version of what we consider beautiful--and just how much energy and emotional turmoil is spent in trying to reach that standard or denigrate ourselves for lacking there in.

 

While I know there are research studies that explain how certain physical characteristics trigger certain responses in our brain stem and how our mammalian brain works to ensure the survival of the species, our obsession with how we look has gone far beyond any evolutionary needs. We use beauty as a weapon--a weapon against ourselves and each other. We use beauty as a means to feel powerful and secure--all of which is simply untrue. I've seen empty marriages and relationships based on beauty. I've seen couples argue and fight over the need for beauty. And sadly, I've seen too many people suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually all over our obsession with beauty.

 

What a waste of our humanity.

 

What a waste of energy.

 

I can't even imagine how many opportunities for love and connection have never been fully realized in the pursuit of perfection.

 

It's left us feeling isolated, alone and disconnected.

 

And yet everyone of us knows the real truth. When you are faced with losing someone you love, it is not their external physical appearance you will miss. If this were the case, you could alleviate the loss by simply looking at a photograph. You miss your loved one's energy, essence, heart, mind and soul.

 

So this holiday season, instead of making the new year's resolution to lose 10 pounds, get a face-lift, breast augmentation, nose job, wax job, hair extensions, or whatever else you believe will make you physically desirable and acceptable, why not make a resolution to love your beautiful self and the people around you as is.

 

Remember what truly counts. Remember what will one day be missed.

 

Wishing you all a joyous holiday season filled with love and self-discovery.

I just want to remind you that my holiday gift to you is a 20% discount for purchasing The Pathway to Love program, designed to help you create strong and intimate relationships whether you currently have one or are currently looking for a new and wonderful love. Simply enter the special code Gratitude and order your copy today!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz