expectations – Julie Orlov

You Never Know What’s Around the Corner

Think your life is settled and secure? Think your life will never be anything but a struggle? Well, think again. Because the one thing you can count on is the unexpected. One day a loved one will suddenly die. Your spouse may come home and ask for a divorce. Your job that you thought was secure will be lost. Your cat will get hit by a car. You will fall and break your leg.

Hold on. I know. You think I'm quite the cynic. Really, I'm not. I'm just a realist. So before you think I only see the world in terms of impending doom, here are my other thoughts.

One day while meeting a friend for dinner you will meet the love of your life. One day you discover that your spouse has been secretly saving and planning for that dream vacation and surprises you with airline tickets. Your mother sends you a check just when you ran out of money for the month and have no groceries. Your boss tells you that you've been selected for the big promotion. You find out that you are cancer free. Your daughter tells you that you are about to become a grandparent. You hold your grandchild in your arms for the first time. You laugh when your best friend shares their latest dating disaster with a sense of humor and resolve.

That's right. Life as you know it will not be the same in the very near future. The biggest mistake people make is in trying to control that inevitability and resist life's constant movement. The most resilient people understand that they need to flex, adapt and roll with the punches. That just because a new chapter has emerged does not mean it won't be as or more meaningful than the last. The happiest people thrive with change. And the most successful people never expect that life should be anything different than a constant flow of events—some of which will be perceived as good, some of which will be perceived as bad. In reality, they are neither.

Your perception is dependent upon the view from where you stand in any one moment. An event may seem great from a specific moment in time and may seem not so great from another. So don't get attached to any one idea you may have about your life. Why?

Because you never know what's around the corner.

Enjoy the ride!

If you or someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of their life, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. Don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

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Those who live in glass houses….

Wouldn't it be great if we could magically eliminate all those annoying and less than attractive qualities we find in the people we love.? You know what I mean—what they do is not so bad that you would end the relationship but it's bad enough to cause concern and doubt. I'm sure you have glanced over at someone significant in your life and thought "Ugh—I wish he or she was more like this or less like that or did these things more or those things less." Fill in the blank and find what fits for you.

We all judge. We can't help but judge others—it’s in our DNA. Some of us try to pretend we don't judge; others have no problem publicly annihilating others. We judge for several reasons. First, it makes us feel righteous and superior. Find someone who judges others incessantly, you will find someone with many hidden insecurities and self-doubts. Second, others' perceived weaknesses or faults highlight our own unmet needs. And most of us don't like to feel empty and unfulfilled. Third, no one likes disappointment and everyone has expectations. When others show up less than who we want or need them to be, we are left with the job of dealing with our own feelings and issues. And finally, there's nothing more satisfying to the ego than to project our own weaknesses onto others. No one likes to admit their own imperfections and it is much easier to either project them onto someone else or distract yourself from being responsible for your own.

So this week, I want to send a little reminder to everyone, myself included.

Whatever you are judging in someone else, you have your own version within you. To illustrate my point, I'll share an example of my own. (To read my story, click Read in Browser. I know you will be able to relate!

Keep the Stuffing in the Turkey and Out of Your Family Gathering

It’s that time again—the beginning of the holiday season. I actually had another topic I was going to address this week in my blog but I succumbed to the pressure I felt (from whom or what, I’m not sure) to write about Thanksgiving. I guess it makes sense to do so as family gatherings provoke a lot of things for many people. For some, the annual get-togethers are something to look forward to—a means to connect and spend time with family. But for many, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a holiday season riddled with anxiety, trepidation, obligation, and conflict. So for those of you who look forward to breaking bread or a solid turkey drumstick, this article may not resonate. But for those that have any anticipatory anxiety about this coming Thursday or know someone who doesn’t jump for joy with the prospect of another family holiday gathering or lack thereof, please read on.

The Trap of Expectations

It’s hard not to have any expectations. We were raised on expectations—what others expected of us and what we expect of others. Honestly, I don’t think our brains will ever evolve to the point where we can live expectation-free. We can however, monitor and manage them. Here’s how expectations impact our relationships. We expect…