I get tons of emails from people asking me how to win their boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, you name it, back. They are in pain and desperate. They regret breaking up with their significant other or worse, regret causing the breakup in the first place—or so it seems.
As people struggle with the transition from being a ‘we’ to an ‘I’, it is normal to want a do-over—to go back and make things right. I find this to be true regardless if you were the one who made the decision to break up or not. What's even more interesting, is that this phenomenon occurs even when the relationship and/or the "ex" was less than desirable—people will ignore all the reasons the relationship ended in the first place. During this painful time of detaching and feeling like there is no solid ground beneath you, one's memory of the relationship becomes distorted. All of a sudden, all the horrible things your ex did or the fact that you wanted a serious relationship and your ex did not, goes to the way side. All you can think about is how to get him or her back. The ‘getting back’ becomes paramount regardless of the circumstances. You can't seem to stop and consider if you got what you wanted, would you want what you got?
Having said this, there are those situations when someone sabotaged a relationship or ran from one out of fear who later discovered that their fears were not nearly as important or relevant as being with the person they grew to love. Under these circumstances, it makes sense to revisit the relationship with a new appreciation and understanding of what really matters to you and what you're willing to do to win your love back and make it work. However, these individuals typically do not exhibit any desperate energy. They choose to contact their ex and have an open and honest conversation about what their past behaviors were all about and what they'd like to create from here on out. Sometimes it's too late and sometimes it's not. They accept whatever verdict ensues.
But for those of you that feel desperate, as if your life cannot go on without your ex, here are some things for you to consider before you go about trying to cajole and manipulate anyone back. Ask yourself the following:
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