Couples in Transition

Is Your Spouse Your Roommate or Your Lover?

Julie Orlov — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 00:18:33 +0000

You can't believe it's summer already. Another school year has gone by. You are trying to decide where to go on vacation and any idea you have seems like a lot of effort. If you're really honest, the idea of a family vacation seems exhausting. Taking a long weekend away by yourself sounds so much more enticing. You look across the kitchen table at your husband. He is busy writing out checks and reminds you that he will be working late next week so you will need to pick up the kids from their various afternoon activities.

Things are comfortable between the two of you. After all, you’ve been married for almost two decades. The household runs smoothly. The kids' needs are taken care of. But you realize that you and your husband have settled into a life together that feels more like roommates and less like lovers. Over the years your sex life has slowly withered away to an early morning quickie every other month or so. You think back on the days when your sex life was good. You made an effort to wear sexy lingerie—he made an effort to seduce you in the ways you liked—you both made an effort to mix it up and have fun. Now it seems like passion is the last thing on your minds, settling instead for a comfy night on the couch watching TV until it's time to get some sleep. And while you still have warm feelings for your spouse, that flame seems almost extinguished. Tonight as you sit across from your husband, you feel lonely, longing to reignite some passion—longing to look at him as your lover, once again.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many couples after some years have gone by, or when the kids have moved out, look at each other as if they were compatible roommates. And for many, there comes a time when that comfort level is no longer acceptable. Couples hit a cross road every few years and for most couples, this cross road will be met at least once, if not more, throughout the lifetime of their relationship.

If you are experiencing the roommate blues, here are five things you can do to bring passion back into your relationship. Click Read in Browser to access full article

When Is It Time to Pop the Question and Say Yes?!

Julie Orlov — Fri, 17 May 2013 23:45:17 +0000

I was thinking the other day about marriage. My marriage—or better stated—my future marriage—or not. I have been living with my significant other for over a year and the question of if and when to take the next step has been on my mind. I have been married before and know what it’s like to have a good marriage, an okay marriage, a bad marriage, and an even worse divorce. Since my divorce, I’ve gone through stages when I’ve been fairly certain that a second marriage was unnecessary, especially since I have raised two children on my own. I’ve also gone through stages where the idea of being married one more time seemed appealing and desirable (remember, I did have a few good years with my ex-husband and know what a good marriage feels like).

Deciding if and when to get married is a serious matter. And if you are a veteran of one or more marriages that have ended in divorce, the decision weighs more heavily. You know what it takes to divorce—it is not for the faint of heart. And if you have never been married, you are certainly aware of the fact that over half of all marriages end in divorce—and have probably witnessed a friend’s or family member’s ugly divorce at some point in time.

So I started to think about what would have to be in place in order for me to take that next step. I also started to think about what my significant other would have to have in place before he was ready to take the next step. Then I thought of all of you. After all, you have entrusted me in providing you guidance and wisdom on how to navigate your relationships. The least I can do is share with you what I’ve come to understand about myself and the question of marriage...

...So I decided to tackle the question of “Do I want to get married?”...

To help you make this life altering decision, I've come up with my top ten questions to ask yourself—and your significant other.... Click Read in Browser to read full article

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EMPTY NEST? - What to Do When Your Grown Children Move Back In

Julie Orlov — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 17:54:18 +0000

With graduation coming right around the corner and the economy still lagging behind, many new graduates will be coming home—to stay—at least for a while. And that’s not all. Many older independent adult children who have been laid off or have had difficulty launching their careers find themselves reluctantly knocking on their parents door, needing a place to live until they find a way to get back on their feet and make their own way. While some parents may welcome the return of their adult children, going from dependent teenagers to independent adult roommates may not be as easy as it seems. Many single parents and couples find it challenging to lose their sense of freedom and privacy just at a time when the have come to embrace and enjoy their “empty nest.” There are many challenges parents face when their adult children return home. These include

Let Go and Let In!

Julie Orlov — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:18:12 +0000

Change and transitions are not only a necessary part of life, they are a blessing. They allow you to meet new people and do new things, they enable you to grow and transform, and they create the space for more joy, happiness and love to come into your life. Unfortunately, we can stand in our own way. The idea of change is scary—we are not always comfortable with the unknown. So we end up holding on to what we do know, what is familiar and comfortable, often at the expense of our own wonderful future that is waiting to emerge. In the end, the very things we do to protect ourselves from potential “harm” are the very things that imprison us from potential growth and well-being.

It is so important to not only embrace change and transitions but to invite and welcome them to us. So whether you are someone who tries to block change or make change happen, there is a middle ground. It’s the place from which you let go and let in. Sometimes easier said than done, I know. So in order to help you with this endeavor, I am offering five steps to help facilitate the art of letting go and letting in.

BIG NEWS! My radio/internet TV show “Pathways to Love” on LATalkLive will be moving to a new day and time. Starting April 14^th you can catch us LIVE every Sunday at 1:30pm PST at www.latalklive.com/new/pathways-to-love. As always, call in with your questions and comments at 323-247-7443! (Until then, you can still watch us live on Fridays, 2:30pm PST and always catch the archived recorded shows at www.latalklive.com/new/pathways-to-love)

Is Having Sex With Your Ex a Good Idea?

Julie Orlov — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:32:16 +0000

Coming to terms with the end of a relationship is one of the most difficult transitions that relationships offer. It is complicated and often a non-linear path to “un-attach” oneself to someone you have come to know as your other half. To make matters worse, if you are the one who still wants the relationship to continue, you may find yourself compromising your values and morals in order to find a way to pull your significant other back in. Even if you are the one who initiated the ending, you may also find yourself pulled back to your ex as you navigate the waters of letting go. See if the following scenario rings a bell for you or someone you know. You officially have called it quits. One night your ex calls and invites you to dinner. You accept the invitation. You tell yourself you did so because you want to get the books you left at the house. But if truth be told, you really accepted the invitation because you’re feeling lonely and miss being around someone so familiar. When you arrive at the house, it feels good to be back in familiar territory—food, wine, and conversation flows—and before you know it, you find yourself having a passionate interlude with your ex. After the passion subsides, you wonder if you did the right thing. It felt like a good idea about an hour ago but now you’re feeling a little worried. Sound familiar?

Don’t forget to join me for my LIVE “Turning Disappointment into Intimate Connections” Workshop on February 26, 7 – 8:30pm at The Mystic Journey Bookstore in Venice, California. For more information and to register, go to http://www.mysticjourneybookstore.com/saleitem.php#WS0226

7 Reasons to Acknowledge Anniversaries

Julie Orlov — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 02:19:45 +0000

Anniversaries are important milestones in every relationship. Whether it’s the one year mark since your first date or your 10th wedding anniversary, acknowledging and celebrating these annual milestones are more important than you think. Here are seven reasons why... Don’t forget to join me for my LIVE Create Your Pathway to Love Workshop on February 23, 9am-1pm in Hermosa Beach, California. For more information and to register, go to www.yourpathwaytolove.eventbrite.com.

Create Transformational Relationships in 2013

Julie Orlov — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 22:06:21 +0000

The word transformation is thrown around a lot lately. I’m afraid that the word’s meaning will get watered down as it saturates to popular culture and pop media. Transformation is a powerful word and an even more powerful concept. When it moves from concept to manifestation, it is a power to be reckoned with. So today in honor of The New Year celebration, I wanted to explain what transformation means to me in the context of creating transformational relationships. My hope is that you’ll take this information and apply it to your own life and your own relationships. Everyone can have a transformational relationship. It’s really quite simple… And not. In The Pathway to Love books and programs, I describe phase four as the relational transformation phase. This is when your relationship not only provides the right conditions for healing and transforming you and your loved one but also provides the perfect conditions for the relationship itself and the greater community to transform as well. This is what it takes…

My Holiday Wish for You…

Julie Orlov — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 03:44:04 +0000

Now that the holidays are fast approaching and the stress of navigating shopping malls and grocery stores is coming to a close, I’d like to offer you my holiday wish for you. While we may get temporarily distracted by travel plans, holiday sales and decorating madness, tomorrow is the day when everything settles down and what’s really important comes into focus. It isn’t what gifts you will give or receive or what food will be served or even what historical-religious event you are celebrating (or not). You know what is truly important. I don’t have to say it. So here’s my holiday wish for you. Please accept this gift as a loving reminder of what we all truly want for Christmas this year. I wish you…

Julie Orlov Q&A on Love and Relationships: Why was my ex able to move on so quickly?

Julie Orlov — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 04:36:01 +0000

Watch this weeks “Ask an Expert” video as Julie Orlov answers your questions on love and relationships. Today's question is "Why was my ex able to move on so quickly?" Did our 15 year marriage mean anything?" Going through a divorce is hard. When an ex-spouse remarries, it is common for the other party to have some feelings—even if they were the one that wanted the divorce in the first place. A lot of feelings come up, including jealousy, resentment, hurt, and a final layer of loss. If an ex gets remarried immediately after the divorce papers are signed, it can elicit other questions as well. Today’s question addresses these issues. Watch and learn the different ways people mourn and let go during the process of divorce and what it does and does not mean if your ex remarries quickly. Watch and Enjoy at http://youtu.be/AVWjT4zV9vc

Coping With Change

Julie Orlov — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 23:42:25 +0000

“When they told us that for every door that closes another one opens, they never told us that the time we would need to spend in the hallway sucks.” –unknown We all know that change is a part of life. You may be graduating school, looking for employment, dealing with an illness, getting married, moving to a new home, or changing careers. Your change may be invited or resented—either way, you will need to say goodbye to the old and adjust to the new. But change is tricky...