You may be asking yourself, “What is the secret to a good relationship?” Well, it all starts with you. The secret to a great relationship is knowing who you are and making new discoveries into how you interact with the world and those around you. And while I’m sure some of you are thinking you know who you are already, I am here to tell you that you don’t know yourself as well as you think. I’m referring to a phenomenon known as our blind spots. The more you become aware of your blind spots, the more you can take responsibility for your actions and reactions. In doing so, you create less destructive conflict with others and create the space for understanding, connection and problem-solving. Here are some tips to help you expand your self-awareness and shrink your blind spots. 1. Notice when you have a strong emotional reaction. Stop and reflect before you react. Take the time to assess if you need to set a limit and/or understand your emotional vulnerabilities. 2. Test out your assumptions. You may discover that you jump to similar conclusions that reflect more of your past and less of what is happening in the here and now. Practice making these distinctions. 3. Pay attention to what the world is showing you. Do your friends become defensive around you? Do you have trouble sustaining long-term relationships? Do you have financial problems? Before you choose to be the victim in these circumstances, first look at yourself and see how you might be creating or at least contributing to your life events and circumstances. 4. Be willing to consider what others tell you about how they experience you. If they say they find you angry, be willing to look at your anger. If they say you party too much, be willing to look at your lifestyle. If they say you don’t speak up enough or tolerate too much bad behavior from others, be willing to search for the “why this may be so.” 5. If you feel like you are stuck in one or more areas of your life, own what is stopping you—fear, lethargy, lack of knowledge, insecurities, ambivalence, etc. The most important aspect of creating strong and intimate relationships lies in knowing thyself. The more you understand who you are, the more you can manage your emotional reactions, share yourself authentically, and develop meaningful relationships. If you are someone you know is struggling around relationships, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Contact me at 310-379-5855 or email me to schedule an appointment and start creating the life you choose today. Be well, Julie
It’s been about a year since this video was featured in my weekly articles. As the topic is so important, I wanted to revisit the topic of forgiveness. We often stop ourselves from forgiving because we think that in doing so we will be condoning the behavior that hurt us. We also think we can somehow hold on to our power and protect ourselves when we hold on to our righteous indignation, anger and hurt.
In truth, the opposite is true. Through our forgiveness we gain back our power, find compassion and connect with love and respect for self and others. It is through our forgiveness, that we win.
So enjoy this encore of Love and Relationship Q&A w' Julie Orlov "Why is it so difficult to forgive?" Today's question deals with how difficult it can be to forgive someone who hurt or disappointed you. Listen as Julie Orlov talks about the power of forgiveness, how to move from defensiveness toward forgiveness and why it will set you free!
You can view this video on YouTube at http://youtu.be/5BqKDzWP2dY or click read in browser to watch it on my website along with many other videos and articles designed to help you create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life.
Here's another article I published on YourTango a couple of months ago. It received thousands and thousands of hits and was syndicated on many other well-known sites. This article addresses what specific words to avoid during arguments and discussions as well as what specifically you can say and ask instead. This one is another must read!
Words are powerful. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and stop you. Learning the language of marriage takes time and due diligence. Here are 5 words that are destined to cause damage to your marriage. Say them regularly and the damage may be irreparable.
To read full article, Click Read in Browser
Watch as Julie Orlov explains what is happening in your marriage when a spouse is always angry and you feel like you can never do anything right. Learn what to do to save your marriage and create a more healthy and loving way of dealing with marital and relationship issues.
Everyone knows what it’s like to be in a no-win situation. You feel like whatever you do it will never be enough to please the person you love (or anyone for that matter). You feel like you live in the “dog house” and don’t know why. You only know that it’s getting cold and lonely out there and you’d like to come back in.
All kidding aside, feeling like you are constantly on the receiving end of someone’s wrath gets old. It starts to wear down the trust and love within a relationship. On the other hand, if you or your significant other are experiencing constant frustration, then there is something to look at and understand. People can be angry and frustrated over a long period of time for a variety of reasons.
Click here to view my Q&A video that addresses the reasons why this dynamic occurs in relationships and what to do about it.
For those of you that prefer to read, click "Read in Browser" to read the full article.
It’s hard not to have any expectations. We were raised on expectations—what others expected of us and what we expect of others. Honestly, I don’t think our brains will ever evolve to the point where we can live expectation-free. We can however, monitor and manage them. Here’s how expectations impact our relationships. We expect…