You may be asking yourself, “What is the secret to a good relationship?” Well, it all starts with you. The secret to a great relationship is knowing who you are and making new discoveries into how you interact with the world and those around you. And while I’m sure some of you are thinking you know who you are already, I am here to tell you that you don’t know yourself as well as you think. I’m referring to a phenomenon known as our blind spots. The more you become aware of your blind spots, the more you can take responsibility for your actions and reactions. In doing so, you create less destructive conflict with others and create the space for understanding, connection and problem-solving. Here are some tips to help you expand your self-awareness and shrink your blind spots. 1. Notice when you have a strong emotional reaction. Stop and reflect before you react. Take the time to assess if you need to set a limit and/or understand your emotional vulnerabilities. 2. Test out your assumptions. You may discover that you jump to similar conclusions that reflect more of your past and less of what is happening in the here and now. Practice making these distinctions. 3. Pay attention to what the world is showing you. Do your friends become defensive around you? Do you have trouble sustaining long-term relationships? Do you have financial problems? Before you choose to be the victim in these circumstances, first look at yourself and see how you might be creating or at least contributing to your life events and circumstances. 4. Be willing to consider what others tell you about how they experience you. If they say they find you angry, be willing to look at your anger. If they say you party too much, be willing to look at your lifestyle. If they say you don’t speak up enough or tolerate too much bad behavior from others, be willing to search for the “why this may be so.” 5. If you feel like you are stuck in one or more areas of your life, own what is stopping you—fear, lethargy, lack of knowledge, insecurities, ambivalence, etc. The most important aspect of creating strong and intimate relationships lies in knowing thyself. The more you understand who you are, the more you can manage your emotional reactions, share yourself authentically, and develop meaningful relationships. If you are someone you know is struggling around relationships, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Contact me at 310-379-5855 or email me to schedule an appointment and start creating the life you choose today. Be well, Julie
Mutual respect is key to a successful marriage. It takes two people committed to the covenants of respect. And while every couple has the right and responsibility to define what that means to them, I'd thought I'd give you my definition (in acronym form) of RESPECT.
Respond to each other''s feelings and concerns in a thoughtful and non judging/non-defensive way.
Empathize - take the time to really understand your partner.
Self-Responsibility - for one's actions, reactions and choices; this includes saying I'm sorry and cleaning up your mess.
Protect each other and the relationship from any unnecessary harm.
Express love and gratitude in small and meaningful ways.
Communicate openly, honestly and kindly.
Touch, cuddle, kiss, hold hands, and make love often.
Feel free to use this definition or make one of your own. Remind yourself to live by these words every day. And make sure that you are both committed to this kind of relationship.
Remember, be the relationship you want!
If you are someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.
Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz
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Here's another article I published on YourTango a couple of months ago. It received thousands and thousands of hits and was syndicated on many other well-known sites. This article addresses what specific words to avoid during arguments and discussions as well as what specifically you can say and ask instead. This one is another must read!
Words are powerful. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and stop you. Learning the language of marriage takes time and due diligence. Here are 5 words that are destined to cause damage to your marriage. Say them regularly and the damage may be irreparable.
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