As you settle into a long-term relationship, you settle into its particular rhythm. Every relationship has one and every rhythm is unique to that relationship. Sometimes you will affect your relationship; sometimes life will impact its ebb and flow. Either way, you can be sure that your path will not be a smooth ride without any bumps or detours. Yours may look something like this— Everything has been going just fine for some time until one day you discover that your significant other has kept something from you...
Entries in intimacy (5)
I received an email the other day from a woman who read my article “7 Reasons to Acknowledge Anniversaries”—she requested an article in kind about Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day presents us with a double bind. On the one hand, we are bombarded with advertisements, talk show segments, and subtle (or not so subtle) messages on how important it is to do the right thing by your sweetheart. On the other hand, people push back on the commercial hype and pressure, holding Valentine’s Day responsible for the inevitable disappointment that ensues, claiming it is a “contrived Hallmark” holiday designed to put unrealistic expectations on love and relationships. These individuals tend to rebel, choosing to ignore the holiday all together or do the bare minimum of bringing home some flowers and calling it a day. And then of course, there are those out there who do not currently have a sweetheart, many of which hide out for the 24 hours until all the focus on lovers fades so that they can once again, feel good about being single. So how do we reconcile all these conflicting feelings about Valentine’s Day? After all, it is supposed to be the holiday of love, not dread. So in honor of those of you that still believe in a day that celebrates love, I’m offering 5 reasons to celebrate Valentine’s Day with. And for those of you that wish this holiday would simply go away and stay away, read on—you just might find a good reason to celebrate come February 14th! Don’t forget to join me for my LIVE Create Your Pathway to Love Workshop on February 23, 9am-1pm in Hermosa Beach, California. For more information and to register, go to www.yourpathwaytolove.eventbrite.com.
One of the tasks couples face as they build their relationship is moving their identity from an “I” to a “We.” Sounds simple enough. You start referring to “our vacation” as opposed to “my vacation.” Or you begin to talk about the future in terms of what “our” future will be. Simply changing the pronoun sounds easy enough but in reality, the pronoun use means so much more than a simple sentence structure would imply. There are certain things that come with the word We—it implies a certain level of commitment and with each level of commitment comes certain responsibilities—this may be the very reason some people pause when consciously or unconsciously selecting a pronoun use. So if you find yourself stuttering when choosing to use I or We, here are some of the reasons why you may be grappling.
I have worked with many people over the past 25 years. Inevitably, most people simply want to get “there.” They want to arrive. They want to put the work in but in the end they want to find balance, peace, and happiness. As much as I would love to say I can take them there, in truth, I cannot. No one can. Life is about everything EXCEPT equilibrium and stability. Life is about cycles, rhythms, and a constant search for balance. Life never stands still. Your relationships will never stand still either. Today’s article is about embracing the rhythm and cycles of life. As you settle into couplehood, a few things happen.
One of the most important factors to creating true intimacy is vulnerability. It is the main ingredient to moving from phase two to phase three in your developing relationship. By nature, we are vulnerable. It is part of the human condition. You don’t need to do anything to be vulnerable or create vulnerability. You always are, like it or not. The real challenge is in how to manage your resistance to your vulnerability—how does that resistance show up for you? Not an easy question to answer as most of the time we don’t even recognize that our reactions may be our own attempt to rebel against our vulnerability. Let me share a story about a client of mine. I think her story will help you see how this works in your own life.