As you settle into a long-term relationship, you settle into its particular rhythm. Every relationship has one and every rhythm is unique to that relationship. Sometimes you will affect your relationship; sometimes life will impact its ebb and flow. Either way, you can be sure that your path will not be a smooth ride without any bumps or detours. Yours may look something like this— Everything has been going just fine for some time until one day you discover that your significant other has kept something from you...
Entries in Couplehood (4)
One of the tasks couples face as they build their relationship is moving their identity from an “I” to a “We.” Sounds simple enough. You start referring to “our vacation” as opposed to “my vacation.” Or you begin to talk about the future in terms of what “our” future will be. Simply changing the pronoun sounds easy enough but in reality, the pronoun use means so much more than a simple sentence structure would imply. There are certain things that come with the word We—it implies a certain level of commitment and with each level of commitment comes certain responsibilities—this may be the very reason some people pause when consciously or unconsciously selecting a pronoun use. So if you find yourself stuttering when choosing to use I or We, here are some of the reasons why you may be grappling.
I have worked with thousands of people over the years. And I have seen countless numbers of people tolerate issues within their relationship that they never thought they would beforehand. One of the exercises in The Pathway to Love Workbook and Guide is to identify your “deal breakers.” This is an easy task for most people. You may believe you know what you can and cannot live with and write these things down with ease. In real life, however, it can be incredibly difficult to follow-through on deal breakers. Knowing is not always doing. Instead, you may find yourself settling and living with issues and people that simply don’t work for you. You may find yourself denying, rationalizing, and pacifying the realities. People do it all the time. And this is why. Once you’ve declared a behavior or trait a deal breaker, your well-being, power, and integrity are at stake. So is your relationship. This is the pull and pressure one has to contend with once you’ve identified a deal breaker. No one likes to face the real possibility that loss is imminent. No one wants to have a broken heart. But in the end, your personal power and well-being are what counts. Ignoring deal breakers will only cause ongoing heartache and pain. So here are my suggestions on how to navigate this delicate issue as your relationship develops and becomes more real.
I have worked with many people over the past 25 years. Inevitably, most people simply want to get “there.” They want to arrive. They want to put the work in but in the end they want to find balance, peace, and happiness. As much as I would love to say I can take them there, in truth, I cannot. No one can. Life is about everything EXCEPT equilibrium and stability. Life is about cycles, rhythms, and a constant search for balance. Life never stands still. Your relationships will never stand still either. Today’s article is about embracing the rhythm and cycles of life. As you settle into couplehood, a few things happen.