Is Chivalry Dead?

I was headed into the post office the other day and a gentleman asked if he could open the door for me as we both approached. I said “Of course”, and as he opened the door for me, he proceeded to tell me that he found most women had a bad reaction to these types of gestures, including a girlfriend of his. He told me his girlfriend was offended by behaviors such as opening doors, pulling out chairs, etc. With a smile, I asked if she was still his girlfriend and with a smile back, he replied “No.”  We went on to have a brief discussion about the dying art of chivalry, especially with the young boys and girls who are just entering the world of dating. I told him that I loved these old fashion gestures and wished more men and women engaged in these time-honored acts of courtesy and courtship. I suggested that our current culture of texts, tweets, hurriedness, and competition may have unfairly replaced important values such as courtesy, cooperation, and kindness. Some time passed, we wished each other a good day, and went on about our business.

I found myself feeling puzzled and somewhat sad that there were women out there that took offense to such gentlemanly gestures. I pondered on what their concerns could be and what I would want to tell all the men and women, girls and boys out there who shun the art of chivalry. Then I remembered my blog. So this week I dedicate my blog to all acts of chivalry. Here is my take on what chivalry is and what it is not.

Chivalry is not about

• Trying to control a woman or another man for that matter
• Assuming a woman is rendered helpless or powerless
• Inequality of pay, status, or career mobility
• Proving men are superior
• Money or power
• Keeping women barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen
• Wanting to hold women back, progress back, or equal rights back
• Preserving an out-dated, old fashion way of approaching courtship

Chivalry is about

• Demonstrating courteous behaviors
• Appreciating women (and men)
• Celebrating the differences between the sexes (or similarities)
• Protecting the women (or men) that men (or women) love
• Learning certain rituals conducive for dating respectfully and establishing relationships
• Making another person feel cared for
• Preserving time-honored rituals that men and women can feel good about
• Creating an environment that celebrates kindness, patience, and cooperation

In truth, I know many, if not most of you, appreciate and live your lives with chivalry. But for any of you naysayers out there, I ask you to give it a chance. I ask you to encourage your sons and daughters to give it a try as they live their daily lives and embark on the world of dating. It simply feels good and makes the world a better place.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com