I receive a lot of emails from women who feel embarrassed and foolish. They describe situations where they have been seduced and charmed by men only to be hurt, betrayed and dumped weeks or months later.
These women all share the same story. They describe themselves as smart and savvy. They say that while they want a healthy intimate relationship they are not desperate. They describe their experiences pretty much the same way. It goes like this...
I met this great guy. He swept me off me feet. He was so charming and made me feel wanted and loved. He came on fast but demonstrated that he was all in--his actions matched his words. We had many talks about what we wanted from a relationship. He told me he wanted marriage and could definitely see a future with me.
I was cautious at first. I wanted to make sure that he was the real deal. I kept clear boundaries. He needed to pursue me and I needed to make sure I was treated with respect. Eventually I fell in love and was all in. I began to make him a priority, probably at the expense of my own needs and other responsibilities (e.g., I gave up time with my kids, I left work early, I accommodated his schedule and needs). Eventually, I found myself making excuses for little behaviors that felt "off." I rationalized his actions that no longer matched his words and worked hard to get my "great" guy back.
One day, it all came out. I found out he was ________(fill in the blank: married, seeing other women, didn't have a job, was in bankruptcy--you name it--a situational atrocity that caught me blindsided). Or one day, he simply said he was moving on. Or worse, one day he just disappeared, never returning my calls or texts. He just dumped me without a single thought.
I was crushed. I lost all confidence in myself and my judgment. I was a fool for love and I can't believe I let this man get the best of me. What is wrong with me?! Why didn't I see this coming?!
If you can relate to some or all of this story, here's what I want you to know...
1. Even smart women get fooled. There are men (and women) who are expert manipulators. They have been doing this for years and know exactly how to hook and reel people in. Give yourself a break.
2. You will learn from this experience and will not easily be fooled again. Next time you find yourself being swept off your feet, get your balance and proceed with caution. Smart women can get fooled once, maybe twice but never more than that. So don't worry, you will learn from your experiences and take better care of yourself next time.
3. Find out what made you vulnerable to his advances. What is your Achilles heel? In what way are you most vulnerable? Knowing this is how you inoculate yourself from future harm.
4. Master the four phases of a developing relationship. Understanding what each phase entails and how to navigate through them effectively will enable you to build strong and intimate relationships--ones based on mutual understanding, respect, acceptance and love.
5. Be kind to yourself. Everyone has been blindsided and fooled by someone who had his/her own interest at heart, not yours. We run into them all the time. If you get caught in the one of their traps, simply get out, shake it off and move on. There are plenty of great people out there with integrity and a kind heart.
If you'd like more information on the four phases of a developing relationship and want to order The Pathway to Love at-home program today, click here. You and your relationships deserve it!
And if you'd like to schedule a one-on-one session with me so you can understand what is working well, identify what is getting in your way and learn how to create the relationship you want, call me today at 310-379-5855. I'm here to help!
About me: www.julieorlov.com/about
About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love
About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz