I published this article a year ago and thought it would be a good reminder for all of you who have made New Year resolutions on finding and making new love work. I have found that people who want something so desperately can find themselves acting in desperate ways. And desperation is the quickest way to lose your personal power and integrity. So in the spirit of having a powerful and successful year, read on.
Nothing turns people off more than desperation and neediness. And if you are getting serious about finding love in 2016, you will want to stay away from people who need you to make themselves whole, fixed, or stable. And you certainly don't want to be a desperate dater yourself.
Whether you are a seasoned dater or just staring out after a hiatus, here are 6 signs of dating desperation.
1. You leave a message or send a text to your new love interest but can't wait comfortably for the person to call or text you back. You obsessively look for their reply or worse, you text or call again within 24 - 48 hours.
2. You turn down invitations from friends and family because you want to leave yourself open "just in case" he or she calls you and wants to get together.
3. You say yes to everything your new love interest suggests and allow the relationship to be on his or her terms for fear of rejection.
4. You rationalize, tolerate or ignore bad dating behavior. These include breaking dates at the last minute, arriving very late without calling, changing plans on you without asking, and other disrespectful behaviors. If you're not sure what behaviors constitute disrespect, you are probably tolerating too many of them.
5. You're focused on if your date likes you or not, or if your date will want to see you again. You are NOT focused on if you like your date or not, if you want to go out with him or her again, or if this person treats you with the respect you deserve.
6. Even when this person tells you they are not interested in a relationship, dating you exclusively, or dating you at all, you ignore this and pursue him or her even more, convinced that this person is the one for you.
If you recognize yourself or someone you care about, I strongly encourage you to get help. You may be suffering from temporary insanity--a paralysis of power--often stemming from some kind a crazy response that this individual elicits. Or you are suffering from chronic anxiety and low self-worth. Either way, help is available. Feel free to call 310-379-5855 or write and schedule an appointment. There is a way for you to reclaim your power, confidence and self-respect. And if that's not enough, you will certainly have better dating experiences and relationship results.
Here's to a successful year of love!
P.S. If you or someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.
Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz