What to do When You Hurt the One You Love

You know you f#@%ed up. You said something horrible to your mate or betrayed your mate in some way. You get it. You have acknowledged your wrongdoing and have apologized. You believe forgiveness is warranted and are ready to move on.

Your mate, however, is not ready to move on. She is still angry, hurt, and wounded. Trust has been broken and she is not ready to forgive. She is still hurting and still needs to make you understand just how hurtful your actions were. She’s still trying to understand why you would say or do what you did. She is still bleeding, emotionally that is…

You feel you’ve been punished enough. You don’t want this mistake to haunt you for the next two months or years for that matter. You’ve had enough and are ready to move on. You resent this continuous admonishment and want her to stop. You shut her down, saying “no more—I’ve apologized and that’s all I can do.”  Or is it?

Every couple will experience a situation like this from time to time. So what lessons can we learn from the scenario above. How can you move through a crisis in a way that promotes healing? How can you move through your crisis without causing more upset and delaying the healing process?

Here are 8 things you can do to to help you and your partner move past crisis toward healing and intimacy.

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Sexy Talk… It’s Not What You Think

Sex is an important part of intimate relationships. It’s also one of the most challenging areas to navigate when it comes to negotiating different needs and wants. It is common for one person to want sex more often or in different ways than their partner. People see sex differently. Sex may be very important and meet a variety of needs or sex may be less important and meet very few personal needs. How these differences play out between two people in a committed long-term relationship will affect every other aspect of their relationship. Approaching this sensitive subject can be difficult. And when a couple gets stuck or gives up on creating a satisfying sex life, frustration and disconnect ensues. So how does a couple approach sexual issues in their relationship? While it may sound cliché, the remedy begins with talk and ends with touch. Here are my 10 basic rules for addressing sexual issues.

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A Word Can Paint a Thousand Pictures

I was innocently making a request to my significant other last week and used a word that set off quite a reaction in him. It reminded me that we are always walking in a land mine without knowing it. We go about our day communicating without much thought. We tell people what to do, what we need, and how we feel. We ask questions, make requests, and set limits. And we do this with words. For most of us, our word selection is based on our ongoing developing vocabulary, words and phrases we’ve grown up with, or words and phrases we’ve picked up from the people in our lives. We rarely think much about the words we choose. We typically use words that we’re familiar with and that will take care of our communication needs with efficiency and ease. Quite frankly, our daily use of words is relatively limited when compared with the number of words available to us in the English language.

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Joke Anyone?

Think about the last time you had a good laugh. I mean one of those belly laughs that left your tummy sore and bladder weak. The kind of laughing spell that felt out of your control but in the end left you feeling good and satisfied. Laughter is one of the best feel-good drugs around. It raises your endorphins, releases stress, and creates a healthy connection to those with whom you have shared the moment. Laughter is free, non-addictive, and promotes physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. It’s one of the best things we have going and it is completely and utterly underutilized.

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